Satan Appears in a Church
A few minutes before the services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.
Soon everyone had exited the church except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seeming oblivious to the fact that God’s ultimate enemy was in his presence.
So Satan walked up to the old man and said, “Don’t you know who I am?” The man replied, “Yep, sure do.”
“Aren’t you afraid of me?” Satan asked.
“Nope, sure ain’t,” said the man.
“Don’t you realize I can k*ll you with a word?” asked Satan.
“Don’t doubt it for a minute,” returned the old man, in an even tone.
“Did you know that I could cause you pr0f0und, h0rrifying, physical AG0NY… for all eternity?” persisted Satan.
“Yep,” was the calm reply.
“And you’re still not afraid?” asked Satan.
“Nope.”
More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, “Well, why aren’t you afraid of me?!”
The man calmly replied, “Been married to your sister for the last 48 years.”
# The British Solution
A British man, a French man, and a Spanish man were caught stealing while traveling abroad.
They were dragged before a stern judge, who sentenced each of them to 100 lashes.
Wanting to appear merciful to the international press, the judge made an announcement:
“Because I am feeling generous today, I will reduce the punishment to 20 lashes. Furthermore, each of you may make two requests before the sentence is carried out.”
The Spanish man stepped forward first.
After thinking for a moment, he said, “I would like a bottle of tequila… and a pillow strapped to my back.”
The judge agreed.
The Spaniard drank the tequila, smiled bravely, and had the pillow tied behind him.
The whipping began.
CRACK!
CRACK!
CRACK!
After only a few lashes, the pillow burst open and feathers flew everywhere. The remaining lashes landed directly on his back.
By the end, he was sobbing and covered in bruises.
